Peter was a kind, gentle, strange boy who taught us the meaning of "differently-abled." He touched us in many ways, and was severly reprimanded for doing so. In his spare time, Peter entertained audiences with a puppet show. A puppet show that featured puppets fashioned after gentials. We lost Peter to the forces of Leo Burnett in Chicago.
We were delighted, yet not at all surprised, to hear that one of Peter's accounts was Tampax. There is a God.


John spent many hours in the office checking John's e-mail and John's website, John was very passionate about John and would frequently talk to us about John and what John was doing. What John was doing was working on an album which was eventually picked up by Columbia Records. It was obvious that John would be focusing even more on John, and less on taking the trash out of the office, which he never really excelled at anyway. Captain Brian refers to John as "our little Buddy Holly." To this day, Brian believes he was the inspiration for Your Body Is A Wonderland.


A white girl from Michigan well-schooled in the music of black guys from L.A. Courtney introduced us to songs like "Sippin' on Some Sisser" and other rich melodies that celebrate everyday life. Assuming everyday life includes ass-capping, blunt smoking and pimpin' it. Courtney was one half of the Smartt/Yezbick comedy duo from Michigan- a place with outrageous accents. She could bring the house down with her pronunciation of "please" alone. Her "Oh geez" was to die for. Courtney's love for Ricky Martin was at the same time cute, funny and appalling. She refused to accept his homosexuality as fact.

Nicole struck us as "the quiet one" on first impression. As part of the Smartt/Yezbick comedy duo, she would play the straight man. She was the Teller to Smartt's Penn. But, like her tongue, there was more to her than first appeared. Soon, we realized there was probably a Party Monkey in there somewhere. However, Nicole was far more disciplined than the rest of us and refused to drink adult beverages in the presence of Sixty Second management.


Slightly retarded and always eager to please, Matt was like an adorable puppy with one eye. You just couldn't help but love him. Matt lived with John in what they claim was a platonic relationship, though they shared two cats, Cop Killer and Princess Buttercup. Matt joined us after John went off to focus his efforts on John-related things. Like his roommate, Matt was a Musician first, Intern second. So, we couldn't really fault him for going on the road with John to play bass. Matt has his own band now and plays music and stuff, just like Johnny.